TLDR: Holy Scripture and the Tradition of the Church show us at least four different views on Divorce and Remarriage. Please read below for more.
The Gospel reading for the Twentieth Sunday after Pentecost came from Mark 10:2-16. This is the strictest prohibition against divorce we have in Holy Scripture, which leads to discomfort for some and to outright guilt and shame for others. Divorce is a difficult topic for the Church today because of its very paradoxical reality: Although prohibited by Holy Scripture in Mark and Luke, divorce is a wide practice even among conservative Christian denominations. Given how painful this topic is for some, I believe it is important to say a few words about divorce and remarriage, but please know that divorce is a highly personal decision for each couple and that what applies to one may not necessarily apply to all couples.
When I survey the biblical literature, there seems to be at least four views of divorce and remarriage:
- No Divorce, No Remarriage
This view takes its biblical warrant from Mark 10:2-16, which itself takes its foundation from Genesis 2:18-24. Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Marriage as a life-long commitment in which two people become one flesh has been God’s desire since the creation of humanity. Jesus states, “from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” This view is based on Genesis’s creation of Eve story. Woman was created out of man, and only in marriage can the one flesh become a complete whole again. The “One Flesh” reality cannot be broken until one of the members of the couple dies. To marry again is a violation of the “One-Flesh” reality that occurred during the first marriage, where two people ceased to be two people and became one flesh. Remarriage is adultery and adultery is sin.
- Divorce, No Remarriage
In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Romans 7:3, and other passages, Paul states, “A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” For Paul, marriage is to be life-long, until death separates the couple, in which case the widow(er) is permitted to remarry. If for whatever reason a couple divorces, they are to remain celibate and unmarried until the partner dies. To remarry while the former partner is still alive constitutes adultery and adultery is sin. In these cases, although the divorce (departing from a spouse) is a sin, it is a forgivable sin that does not fall under the category of adultery. Remarriage, however, is adultery.
In 1 Corinthians 7:10-15, Paul states, “If an unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such case.” The bond of marriage is terminated once an unbelieving partner abandons the believing partner, and the assumption is that in cases where reconciliation is not possible, the believer is allowed to divorce. But, although the believer may separate, Paul goes a long way at encouraging the believer to remain married and faithful to the unbeliever, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise, your children would be unclean.” Just because a spouse has chosen to abandon the faith, this does not force the believing spouse to divorce them. They must do all in their power to remain committed to their spouse, praying that the apostate spouse may someday return to the faith.
- Limited Divorce, Limited Remarriage
In the book of Ezra 10:10ff, Ezra demands that all returned Israelites who had married pagan wives in Babylon divorce them and disown the children born to those unions. This was a way to atone for the sin incurred by the violation of Levitical law, which expressly forbade the marriage of foreign women. This case is considered a special case within the history of Israel, and often it is not used as an argument in favor of divorce, but the assumption is that the men of Israel took on new Israeli wives, and the divorced wives likewise may have taken new husbands in their new settlements. This is not expressly said in Ezra, but it is assumed.
In the Gospel of Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 Jesus presents an exception to his divorce mandate in Mark 10. Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for (porneia) and marries another woman commits adultery.” The word translated as “sexual immorality” could mean a wide variety of sexual offenses: prostitution, adultery, pedophilia, promiscuity, homosexuality, incest, bestiality, etc. Now, to be clear, this allowance to divorce in these cases is not a demand (you must,) but rather a concession (you may.) The idea here is that since the other person already broke the “One Flesh” status of the marriage, you are within your right to seek a divorce. What happens after you get the divorce is a different matter: Some say the divorced person (even the aggrieved party) must then remain single and celibate as the “One Flesh” status is still enforced until the death of the ex-partner. Some see in Jesus's allowance, on the basis of porneia, an implicit permission for the aggrieved party to remarry. There are good theological arguments on both sides of this debate. The point is that Jesus never approved the wholesale termination of marriages for any and all reasons. He makes one allowance in Matthew, which we don’t see in Mark 10 or in Luke 16.
A variation of this rule is the famous Catholic case of “Annulment,” in which both parties are able to remarry. Annulment states that a pre-existing prohibitive condition existed before the marriage contract was entered into, and the marriage consummated, which renders the marriage contract invalid, as if it never took place. Only an ecclesiastical tribunal of the Church can render a verdict of annulment, but when this occurs, the “One Flesh” bond is dissolved because it was never valid in the first place.
- Divorce and Remarriage for a Variety of Reasons
There are several test cases for this in the Old Testament. The most famous case is Deuteronomy 24, where Moses’ permits a man to write a certificate of Divorce for his wife because he has found “some uncleanliness” in her. The woman is then allowed to “become another man’s wife,” but if her second husband dies, she is not allowed to return to her first husband because she has been defiled. The allowance for remarriage here is that the woman had no say in her being “put away” by her first husband. A passage in Leviticus 21:14 assumes that divorce and remarriage are common practices because it explicitly forbids a high priest from “marrying a divorced woman.” We do not know what the reasons for divorce were, but we assume the permission for divorce covered a number of offenses, which included failure to care for the other.
Many Christian denominations today affirm that even if divorce is a sin, it is a forgivable sin and never falls under “the unforgivable sin” category. The “One Flesh” status remains a great aspiration for all Christian marriages, but in reality, many marriages fail for a large number of reasons, and the Church should be a place of forgiveness and acceptance, rather than a place of judgement and condemnation. Having said this, no mainline denomination advocates for the wholesale application of divorce, starter marriages, or a purely contractual union. Marriage remains God’s gift to families and communities, but when the union dissolves, God is always willing to forgive the sin, and the Church must be an instrument of God’s reconciling love in and for the world, helping the couple to confess their sin, assess what went wrong, amend their lives, and make different choices when and if they choose to marry again. Marriage is so important that the Bible uses it as metaphor for Christ’s relationship with his Church. It must be taken seriously, and it must be lived out faithfully. Divorce is always painful and not the goal for Christian families, but God is infinite in his compassion and mercy. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin, nor is it enough to deny the divorced person the gift of communion.
Good Christians can stand at different places in relation to divorce and remarriage. This is not an issue over which we should break communion. Remember that love is more important than any theological positioning.
May God continue to bless you,
Fr. Roman+
