TLDR: After several heady and theologically dense blogs, I’ve decided to write a bit of self-help advice that is more common sense than deep spirituality. I hope you enjoy it.
I don’t know about you, but I often feel as though I am the only person suffering a particular condition or problem. That is, until I pay attention to what others want me to pray for or to what people tell me in counseling. Then, the commonality of our shared experience becomes very apparent. Simply speaking, we all suffer the effects of aging, the emotions left by loss, the economic anxieties that result from a loss of employment or a big expense for which we were not prepared, the worries parents feel about their children, etc. I often have to hear a bit of advice to get me unstuck from my own pain.
Have you ever felt as though God is very distant from you? Your prayers are not answered, the anxieties and pains of everyday life continue to get worse, your relationships have entered a difficult phase, your health is declining, you are lonely and isolated, you are grieving the loss of a loved one, your day seems to have 48 hours because you feel useless, etc. And God seems to have left the building and is nowhere to be found. If you are undergoing any of these difficulties, you are not alone, you are not weak, you are not going crazy or “ready to be put out to pasture.” You are human! You share in the same human condition as billions of people on this planet and, as momma used to say, “there will be days like this!”
Don’t be discouraged! We all go through these moments. Remember that although it is easier to see the hand of God in our lives when things are going well, God will never abandon you nor forsake you. The Bible is full of comfort for moments of difficulty because the people of God in antiquity were part of the same human condition we share. Take heart, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (Psalm 46:1-3). Remember that “the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him” (Nahum 1:7).
There are some in my culture who find hope in other people’s misfortune. I heard the same narrative a hundred times this last Summer, “At least I am not as bad as Julio. You know, his father gambled the entire family inheritance!” “I may be sick, but at least I am not as sick as Rosa. This is the seventh episode of Cancer with which she was diagnosed!” “Yes, I am poor, but Jose is both poor and ugly!” You get my point. If you find comfort in this type of thinking, then you should indeed celebrate the fact that you are not as bad off as thousands around the globe. There will always be people whose lives are worse than yours.
There are others who suffer alone thinking that their suffering produces character and that every negative thing that happens to them is a test from God. This is a misunderstanding of what Paul was trying to say in Romans 5:3-5. God has better things to do than to sit around devising creative and cruel test experiences for you. Our suffering is the result of our human condition, random natural events, back-room decisions by politicians and barons of industry, poor decisions we have made, the breaking down of social systems, our own process of aging, the sin others perpetuate against us, etc. Suffering alone is not a sign of spiritual maturity and it does not please a loving God who made us in community to live in community.
The internet is full of advice about how to cope with loneliness and isolation, much of which is actually pretty good. Here are a few of my own contributions to that inexhaustible body of literature we call Self-Help. There are a few things you can do to reduce those feelings of isolation from God and others: (a) Pray even if you don’t feel like it. Be honest with God and place all your sadness, fears, and anger in his loving hands. Many of the Psalms will offer you comfort and joy. (b) Reach out to someone. Call your Associate Pastor (See what I did there?), call a friend, join a support group or Bible study, visit a family member, etc. There is a reason why Jesus sent his disciples into mission two by two. You are not meant to live in isolation but in community. Trust that the Lord will bless your life through the ministry of others. (c) Become involved in some form of ministry. Care for others can revitalize your life in ways you never expected. Volunteer at the library, become involved in meals on wheels, volunteer at the Hope Center Houston, etc. (d) Take good care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, read a good book, laugh, love. God can use these often-neglected activities in wonderful ways to energize your life.
Remember, we are here for you. Give us a call and let us minister to you and your loved ones at those times when you may be experiencing a dark night of the soul, as St. John of the Cross used to call these events.
May God continue to bless you,
Fr. Roman+
