TLDR: The Gospel passage for this last Sunday came from Matthew 18:21-35, but I chose once again to preach on Romans. This blog gives you my thoughts on the Gospel passage.
Most of us agree, at least philosophically, that it is good to forgive those who offend us. The difficulty comes when we have to forgive “my husband” or “my wife” or the cousin who has actually hurt us. When someone we know sins against us, the betrayal can be devastating. In some ways, forgiving a stranger who has offended us can be easier than forgiving someone who is part of our own lives. The closer the relationship, the deeper the wound can be. That is what makes this week's Scripture reading so challenging.
This last Friday we celebrated the 25th anniversary of the September 11 attacks and, when we think about forgiveness, many understandably think about terrorism, crime, institutional sin, and the terrible things human beings can do to one another. It would be possible to preach this passage as a lesson about forgiving Iran, with whom we are at war right now, or those who perpetrated the actual attacks on American landmarks 25 years ago. In some ways, that might actually be the easier sermon to preach. But that isn't what Jesus is talking about in Matthew 18.
The passage begins with Peter asking, “If a member of the Church sins against me, how many times should I forgive?” Peter doesn't ask, “If a terrorist from another country blows up our institutions and causes thousands of deaths, how often must I forgive him?” Peter is asking about the person sitting next to him. This is a local answer to a local problem. This is about forgiveness within the community of believers, those who belong to the same family and share a common purpose. That makes the teaching much more difficult. It is one thing to talk about forgiving some distant person we don't know. It is another thing to forgive the person whose family we know, whose life is intertwined with ours, and whose actions have personally wounded us.
There are two basic ways people understand forgiveness. One view says that without acknowledgement of sin and repentance, we are not mandated to forgive. The other view says that forgiveness does not necessarily require repentance or the ability to repay the debt. Instead, forgiveness can be a freeing experience for the person. We release our anger, our desire for vengeance, our frustration, and our need to remain bound to what happened. Matthew is presenting forgiveness in this second sense. Forgiveness can happen before acknowledgement, repentance, or restoration takes place. That does not mean the relationship is automatically restored. These are two different things. Forgiveness means refusing to remain imprisoned by the anger, resentment, and desire for revenge sin has produced. Restoration of a relationship requires acknowledgement of the sin, repentance, atonement, and, in some cases, restitution.
We can forgive someone without pretending that what happened didn't matter, without immediately trusting them again, and without restoring the relationship to what it was before. In fact, forgiveness serves an important purpose for the person who has been sinned against: it allows us to get unstuck and begin to recover. Jesus illustrates this with a remarkable story about a king and his servant: A servant owes the king the astronomical amount of 10,000 talents, approximately 20 years’ worth of daily wages. This is an amount so enormous that it represents something far beyond the servant's ability to repay. The servant has lost something belonging to the king, and we aren't told exactly how it happened. We simply know that the debt exists and that the servant cannot possibly repay it. The king orders that the servant, his family, and his possessions be sold. The servant begs for patience, promising that he will repay everything. Of course, he can't. But then something shocking happens. The king forgives the debt. The servant walks away free. He has been released from something that he could never possibly have repaid.
But then Jesus takes the story in an entirely different direction. That same servant encounters another servant who owes him a relatively insignificant amount. Instead of extending the mercy he has just received, he demands repayment. When the fellow servant cannot pay immediately, he has him thrown into debtor’s prison. The contrast is stunning. The first servant has been forgiven an enormous debt, but he refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him by his neighbor. And that is where Jesus brings the parable home. The uncomfortable part comes when the king learns what happened. He calls the servant back and punishes him. That raises some difficult questions. Does God go back on his word? Does this mean that the servant's debt wasn't really forgiven? Are unforgiving Christians in danger of condemnation?
These are not easy questions. One key to understanding the story is remembering that this is a Gentile king. He has forgiven an enormous debt, and then the servant has publicly demonstrated that the king's mercy has accomplished nothing in him. The king's authority and reputation have been compromised and now he has to save face. But our God is not a Gentile king. Our God is a loving Father who goes to any extent to forgive sinners. He sends Christ to pay the debt we could never pay ourselves. That debt has been paid, and it remains paid.
What the passage does tell us is that our behavior has consequences. How we treat one another matters deeply to God. At the end of the day, we will be accountable for the way we have treated other people, especially the people God has placed in our lives. When we refuse to forgive, we hold on to hate, anger, resentment, and bitterness. Those emotions can keep us bound to the original offense. Our task as Christians is to seek the kingdom of God first. But when we continually focus on our grievances, our attention becomes centered on our pain rather than on God. We forgive so that we can love God and others with all our mind, heart, and soul.
But I want to offer an important caution. Forgiveness is seldom an event. It is usually a process. Some people tell me, “I just can't forgive.” And sometimes the right response is, “That's okay. Keep trying. With God's help, you will get there.” Some people can forgive quickly and move on. Others need to think, pray, and perhaps even engage in therapy. That is okay. Forgiveness is possible, but sometimes it takes time. If you are willing to forgive, God will give you the ability to do so in due time. Keep working at it. Don't give up. We are here to support you.
And what about terrorism? As Christians, we have a duty to forgive. But that individual duty is different from the right of nations to defend their citizens from dangers, foreign and domestic. Fighting terrorism is not contrary to God. We have a duty to protect ourselves from danger. At the same time, we must use appropriate force and never forsake proper justice. We must never devolve into barbarism or blood-seeking revenge. This passage is not primarily about Iran or any other actor who has become our enemy anywhere in the world. It is about the neighbor sitting next to you, the person in your church family who hurt you, the person you know whose actions still occupy your thoughts and stir your anger. You who have been forgiven your very life are called by God to forgive each other as God himself has forgiven you. It may take time, prayer, and help from others. But with God’s help forgiveness is possible.
May our Lord continue to Bless you,
Fr. Roman+
