“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” 
Proverbs 17:17 NIV 

A 2011 Cornell University study found that, although the average Facebook user might have 130 “friends,” Americans had, on average, only slightly more than two confidants—people with whom they discussed important matters. That was down from nearly three in 1985. The good news was that the size of these networks appeared to have stabilized. 

Apparently, we can have hundreds of Facebook friends and still have difficulty finding someone to talk to when life gets complicated. I suppose that makes a confidant rather more valuable than a Facebook friend. And I certainly wouldn't want to be considered a “slightly more” friend! 

The truth is that we were created for fellowship, both with God and with one another. In the Genesis creation story, we find that there was only one thing God declared not good about the world he had made: that the man should be alone (Genesis 2:18). We need one another. We need friends, and we need to be friends. 

So, how do we go about expanding our circle of friendship? Would you believe singing? Research conducted at Oxford University suggests that singing together can help people feel connected surprisingly quickly. In one study, adults enrolled in singing classes developed a sense of closeness with their fellow participants more quickly than those enrolled in creative writing or crafts classes. Having sung in choirs, choral groups, and even barbershop quartets for much of my life, I believe it. Looking back, I realize that newcomers were often welcomed and friendships formed remarkably quickly in those groups. 

Perhaps that is one reason music and singing have such an important place in Christian worship. When we gather as God's people, we don't simply listen to someone else sing. We raise our voices together. We sing words of faith, hope, thanksgiving, and sometimes even lament. We become, in a small but meaningful way, a community of people sharing the same song. King David was both a musician and a singer, and many of the songs attributed to him in the Psalms have been part of the worship of God's people for centuries. 

The Oxford researchers studied adults, ages 18 to 83, attending adult education classes organized by the Workers' Education Association in the United Kingdom. Eighty-four participants enrolled in singing classes, while 51 enrolled in creative crafts or creative writing classes. The classes met weekly over seven months. Researchers asked participants how close they felt to their classmates at different points during the study. Participants in all the classes developed a sense of closeness, but those in the singing classes experienced that bonding more quickly. 

Perhaps there is something about doing the same thing together, breathing together, listening to one another, and making music that brings us closer. Singing may even help break the ice among strangers. (Remember office karaoke night?) Of course, singing together doesn't automatically make everyone lifelong friends. As one of the researchers observed, close relationships still depend on interactions between individuals or smaller groups. Singing may open the door, but friendship grows as we walk through it. 

Now, you may be saying, “That's all well and good, but I can't carry a tune in a bucket.” I've got good news for you, based on personal observation. Mine may not be as scientific as Oxford's, but I think it makes the point. 

When I began seminary, our liturgical music professor, Dr. Russell Schultz (who was also one of the editors of our 1982 hymnal), “auditioned” each of us to determine our singing ability. Those with good voices were invited to join the Seminary Chapel Choir. Those with awful voices were also invited to join a choir: the St. Jude's Choir. St. Jude, as you may know, is the patron saint of lost causes! The professor's purpose, of course, was to help those with little or no musical ability develop their skills and gain confidence. Looking back, I can tell you that the St. Jude's Choir never sounded particularly good. But they had a camaraderie every bit as great as that of the Seminary Chapel Choir. 

Which leads me to believe that the Oxford research was on to something. Singing, even bad singing, can draw people together. And perhaps that is the point. The church is not a gathering of people who have all mastered the same talents. It is a fellowship of people who need one another and who are called to love one another. You don't have to sing beautifully to belong. You don't have to be especially gifted, especially wise, or especially interesting. You simply have to be willing to join in. 

So, if you would like to make a few more friends, find some folks to sing with. Join a choir, join in singing with others on Sunday morning, or gather around a piano and make a joyful noise. You may not become the next great soloist. But you might discover a friend. 

And that's a theologically sound idea. 

Prayer 

You have blessed us, O God, with the gift of friendship, the bonding of persons in a circle of love. We thank you for such a blessing: for friends who love us, who share our sorrows, who laugh with us in celebration, who bear our pain, who need us as we need them, who weep as we weep, who hold us when words fail, and who give us the freedom to be ourselves. Bless our friends with health, wholeness, life, and love. And make us faithful friends to those who need the comfort of a listening ear, a helping hand, or a welcoming place in our fellowship. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

Blessings, 

Steve+