TLDR: At Breakfast with Saint Nick a beloved parishioner gave me a prayer card that brought back good memories worth sharing. The prayer has been central to my ministry and has blessed me in rich ways. I pray it will be a source of comfort for you as well.
The Chaplain’s office at Saint Luke’s Episcopal Hospital (Before it was sold to Common Spirit Health) used to give out a prayer card many of us still use. On the front of the card there is a famous prayer called, “My Lord God.” On the back, it contains a portion of Psalm 63 and a concluding prayer for those who suffer. The prayer at the front was composed by theologian and mystic Thomas Merton. It appears in a small book that is never more than a few inches away from me, “Thoughts in Solitude” (Abbey of our Lady of Gethsemani, 1958). It is no exaggeration to say that this little book has had a profound impact on my life and ministry, and the prayer itself has been a bookmark, a refrigerator magnet, a message of comfort written to a dying friend, the guide for my ordination’s spiritual retreat at a hermitage cabin in Minnesota (in the Winter of 2007), and the subject of various reflections I have lost over the years. It is a rather simple prayer anyone can pray at any time and for any reason. It emphasizes the nearness and distance of God in our lives, and the conflict between our desire to follow God’s will and how we actually lead our lives.
Sometimes we experience God as imminently near and this nearness fills us with comfort and peace. At other times, God feels very absent and we feel abandoned and alone. Sometimes we have no idea where we are going, the road is covered in mist and it is difficult to discern which way to go when we come upon the crossroads of life. We wonder if we are in fact following God’s will for our lives and we feel as though we are not doing enough to be the men and women God wants us to be. The uncertainty and unpredictability of life fill us with anxiety and fear, and our challenges and suffering often weaken our hope and our love. At these times, the prayer reminds us that God is always near, even when we fail to see his presence in our lives. Our desire to please God in fact pleases God. God does not desire perfection but faithfulness and is not as interested in our moral superiority as in our dependence on his grace. The desire to please God is the key to a fruitful Christian life.
The prayer reads as follows, “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
One of the most beautiful lines in the prayer asks, “I hope I have that desire (to please God) in all that I am doing.” At the beginning of meetings or liturgy I often pray, “May everything we do and say give you honor and glory.” This is another way of saying, “May what we do and say please you.” Many priests (and perhaps many Christians in general) suffer from impostor syndrome. We are given such sacred duties to make Christ present in liturgy and in the lives of people that it is common to ask, “And what right do I have to speak for God? As broken as I am, how can I stand in the place of former giants to preach God’s grace without sounding hypocritical and judgmental? What if my imperfect ministry is not drawing people closer to Christ? Who am I to do what I am doing?” At these times, the prayer gives me (and others) some comfort. God has the ability to use broken pots to quench the thirst of his people. Even if at times we don’t know where we are going, we can trust that God is already at the destination point and will lead us home in due time.
The prayer ends with a paraphrase of lines from Psalm 23 and Matthew 28:20, “though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” The Psalm states that, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Jesus promises in Matthew, “I am with you always, to the end of the age.” This promise that God will not leave us to face our perils alone has brought great comfort to many believers for over 2,000 years, even in the midst of persecutions, world wars, famines, storms, political unrest, and economic downturns. This is possible because at the right time in history God chose to become a human to live among us and to save us from within. God now has humanity under his skin. This is the greatest mystery in the history of the universe. We will celebrate this inbreaking of God into the human stage next week.
Until then, please remember that God loves you to the point of sending his Son into the world for you. You are not alone regardless of what might be going on in your life. The holidays are hard for many and the road appears quite dark, but Christ is never more than a few inches away from you. God knows you want to please him and this in itself pleases God. Have faith, God sees you, and God will lead you through any current pain or affliction in due time.
May God continue to bless you,
Fr. Roman+
