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Friendship

Friendship

by The Reverend Beth Anne Nelson on July 21, 2021

“No one has a greater love than this than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

What does it mean to be a friend in Christ? It can be hard to know the boundaries of friendship in different contexts. We live in so many places where we know people such as work, friends through children, school, and extra curriculars. Can we even be friends across certain relationships?

A few years ago, I read a book by Natalie Chambers Snapp, a Christian blogger, that theorizes the importances of authentic Christian relationships. She talks about levels of friendships, much in the same way that Brené Brown talks about friendship.[1] Combining Ms. Snapp’s ideas, with Biblical Knowledge, and some theological grounding from Dr. Wesley Hill[2], I see a picture of Christian Fellowship as one that sustains us.

John 15:12-17 expounds upon the idea of sharing a burden with someone. Jesus considers the disciples friends rather than servants because he shared confidences with them. Similarly, a clergy person is naturally a friend because they share the burden of life with their parishioners. Recently, the Petal Pushers brought my family flowers. They livened up our home by bringing joy and life into it.[3] Of course there are boundaries that come with my office (a whole course can be set up for these), yet you are still my friend in Christ. For me, when I say “friends” in a blog, or sermon, referring to this parish, know that I am ready to walk the ups and downs of this life with all of you as you are willing to walk it with me.

When I was first in college, I took a class where the professor noted that our longest friendships would be with our siblings. I have found this to be true, however, the Bible has some difficult family relationships: Look at Jacob and Esau.[4]Those two fought from the moment of their birth; they eventually reconciled, however, their relationship is not what I would hope for in an abiding friendship. Similarly, Rachel and Leah’s relationship was filled with jealousy.[5] Christian friendships are not built on comparisons and are free, as much as possible, of jealousy. 

Friendships come at different moments for different reasons. Our Christian friendships hopefully illuminate our faith and bring us closer to God.

My husband regularly tells me that every relationship needs its space. Our own emotional baggage should not dictate the expectations and overall tone of our friendships because no one can be our everything. Only God can!” This is true of our spiritual friendships as well. We need someone to lift us up and sustain us.”[6] 

So, to answer the questions from above: with God’s grace. Friends in Christ are grace filled, they put God at the center of the relationship and the rest flows from that place. We can be friends across and in different contexts as long as we understand life is not about our earthly relationships; rather about our relationship with The Creator. I consider each of you a friend in Christ, and in the traditional sense of the word, I would lay my life down for you. 


[1] Brené Brown is a sociologist at the University of Houston. See this clip about her view of close friendship. https://youtu.be/ZQ0ZKaLRBe8

[2] The Reverend Dr. Wesley Hill is Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at Trinity School for Ministry and a friend of Fr. Roman Roldan.

[3] Hill. Wesley. (2015). Spiritual Friendship. Grand Rapids: Brazos. Chapters 2 and 6. These chapters discuss the importance of putting others first. In Chapter 2, Dr. Hill explains the history and philosophy of Christian friendship; in Chapter 6, he discusses boundaries and sharing friendship throughout the ups and downs of life.

[4] Genesis 25:19-34; Genesis 27

[5] Genesis 29 & 30 tell the complete story of Rachel and Leah. For what comparisons can do to our friendship see Snapp, Natalie Chambers (2017). Becoming Heart Sisters. Nashville: Abbingdon. WeekTwo: Addressing Spiritual Issues.

[6] Becoming Heart Sisters. Nashville: Abbingdon. Week Three: Honoring God Through Relationships.

 

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